bella's pain
by malice17
Summary: bella after edward left


i woke up screaming,i do every morning. i always have the same nightmare.

the one where im back in the forest and im running after him.

where i cant move fast enough,and am left behind,then it jumps forward years and im a ghost watching him.

watching him have fun and enjoy not haveing me around,that he doesnt have to constantly worry about me.

where he doesnt love he can see me.

i shudered and tried to sit up.

i made it all the way to a sitting position before the pain came today.

it was so expected and yet so new everyday.a huge hole in my chest right over my heart.i slumped back down and rolled into a feddle to keep myself from breaking like an egg thats been smashed by a hammer.

i laid there crying and shivering for hours.i didnt sleep,i didnt eat.i wasnt tired,i wasnt hungry.i didnt eat much anymore anyway.

the only reason i ate at all was so charlie wouldnt send me to a hospital where they would for sure feed me against my will.

i didnt want to live but suicide wasnt much of an option:i was too chicken.

i tried making a noose once but just couldnt do i couldnt get off that easy.

i shudderd uncontrollably for almost an hour.i held myself together tighter.

i tried to get my breathing under control.i was still shaking, i decided i needed to get up.

i went over to my closet,just to have to gripp the wall to keep from falling.i sank to my knees and sobbed some more.

i got up after a while and grabbed a shirt a jacket and jeans,didnt even bother to look at what i had put on who really cared?

i made my way down stairs shakily and into the kitchen where i put a little milk in a bowl and dumpd some cereal in the garbdge then put the bowl in the sink with a spoon.

it convinced charlie i was eating breakfast,but there was no way to avoid dinner with him staring at me the whole time refuseing to eat until i did,it just killed me even though i was already half dead.

i heard his boots thunder down the stairs and he came into the kitchen, he was up a little early it was only 6:45,i had only slept for 5 hours last night even less the night before.

he came straight to me and handed me something.

i looked down:it was a tape

i raised an eyebrow,i never talked anymore

"i bugged your room, this is a tape of you:crying,and weeping and screaming in your sleep."said charlie it didnt surprise me that i didnt feel violated,other thatn pain i didnt feel much of anything anymore." im going to hunt him down and hand deliver it to him and he is going to see what hes 's done."charlies jaw snapped

"dad no."my voice was hourse from months of no use and held no emotion whatso ever"dad you dont even know where he is."

"ill find him and when i do hes going to be sorry,you cant see itbella, but i can,i can see how much pain hes put you through,i came into your room the first night you started screaming:you were tossing and turning every which way and you were saying "edward"i flinched at the name," no,come back please,please dont dont do this."charlies face was turning purple " now i know you bella ive never seen you ever even look at a guy twiceanyone,but him youve never begged for anything or anyone but you were begging him to come back."i hear the agony in charlies voice

"i watched over you i saw what he did,you loved him bells,i could see yet i never saw the depth as if you two were soul mates,but you bella swan loved him and he left you and that put you in so much pain,it still does and its been nearly a year.i cant just sit here and do nothing."charlie was determind now

what was the point to argue? he wasnt going to find him anyway so i just let him have the moment.

i shrugged

he hugged me then left for work.i went to get into my truck and threw my bag into the passenger seat but it fell on the floor.

as i reached to get it i saw my one that had ben replaced,the one that was here looking as if it hadnt been taken out at all.

and the pain came as powerfull as this morning.

i doubled over in much pain as if the texas chain saw murderer was ripping my heart out of my chest,a prize boxer was useing it as a punching bag,and it was being burned in a bonfire all at the same time.

i was weeping into my seat when my watch beeped.

i set my watch to go off every morning at exactly 7:49 teh latest time i could leave home and get to school before the bell.

i sat up shook off my attack and started the engine.i pulled out my drive way and drove to in an empty spot and walked into homeroom.

i got through school with no attacks went home and sat in my room on teh floor and stared at my white wall with blank

as if on cue teh pain id been holding at bay all day came down hard on me harder than usual,how was that possible?

i clutched my knees to my chest and cried uncontroably for hours,i couldnt help myself i grabbed the closest thing my hands touched and started raking it across my legs.i pressed hard and soon felt blood running down my didnt help the pain but it directed it somewhere so i continued and continued until i droped the object and went down stairs.

i didnt know what i was doing but i walked into the kitchen grabed a shelf of plates and smashed tehm down my legs heard them shatter to the floor.

and then i uncontios from bloodloss.

i awoke in a hospital and opend my eyes to....nope im still dreaming.

i thought i was awake but im still asleep because alice was a foot away from wasnt my usual what the hell?whatever i really woke up to i could handle so ill just take what i can.

"bella?"alice asked"are you really awake?"

i nodded well as awake as i could get.

"bella i know this must be pretty disbelievable but your really awake."she said

"uh huh sure i am."i said

"bella your really awake,"she insisted"your in the hospital,i saw what you did."she gave me a disaprovign look.

i winced and that oddly hurt "hey im doing my best."i said

"i know bella,and i know you really want this to be real and im here to say it is im really here and i brought someone with me..." she trailed off

"alice,im dreaming and if you dont mind your making it a lot harder being here."

that threw her for a minute."what?"she asked confused

"when i wake up and your not really here thats going to hurt."i explained

"how many times do i have to tell you?you arent dreaming this is !come here."she said

i blinked and he was here.

o god my memories had nothing compaired to the real thing.

i stared for a moment,before the pain kicked in.

then it i doubled over pulling my sore and for some odd reason bandaged legs to my chest and cried into and shacking.

"bella?bella whats wrong?"he asked

i couldnt answer him did it matter i knew i was dreaming and i knew i had hoped anyway but...another sob burst out lound and shakily

he was instantly right beside me.

"do you not want me anymore?do you want me to leave?"he asked

i was finally able to respond "only if your not going to be here when i wake up."i said shaking harder

"bella,listen to me bella im never leaving you again!i left for your well being since my leaving did you no good im staying right if you want me to if you tell me you never want to see me again i wont leave you,never again!i saw that tape bella and nothing in teh world this one or the next is strong enough to tear me away from promised

and then he kissed in that instant i didnt care i was dreaming.i would take this moment and live in a fantasy forever just to be with him again.

hey guys please tell me what you think of this story and my other ones thanks!


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